The Mummy – ralphthemoviemaker

The Mummy – ralphthemoviemaker


“Oh, gee…” “What am I going to do today?” “I guess I have two options.” “I can either watch The Mummy” “— from 2017, starring Tom Cruise —” “or, I could go outside…” “and live life…” “and explore the city…” “…and meet people” *thanks phil* I guess we’re watching The Mummy! *fun* YES!
*fun* Macon, get in here!
*fun* We’re gonna watch The Mummy!
*fun* WOO!
*fun* So, let’s prepare some Mummy popcorn. This is how you make Mummy popcorn. First, you get a fresh popcorn bag and you… youcangolike… *blow* Then go on over here to our… uh…. the laundry room. *ecstatic* *ecSTATIC* Alright, so the camera is busted. Next, you’re gonna take your popcorn bag… Take your Tide PODS… and just put the Tide PODS in the popcorn bag. And there we go, boys and girls. We got the Mummy popcorn. This is truly the only way to watch The Mummy. Zach? “well, yeh?” Wait, Paul, who is closest? What happens if you bite into a Tide POD? They’re just ignoring me. I’m trying to ask you a question. Should I bite into the Tide PODS? For this joke? *laughs/giggles* *laughs/giggles*
“No, I don’t think you should.” No?
“No, don’t do it. It’s not worth it.” “No, don’t do it. It’s not worth it.” Ok. “You have to get your stomach pumped at the hospital” Yeah. Well, I’m not gonna swallow it, I’m just gonna bi-” “I know” “It literally, like, eats at your insides” *giggles and shits* Holy shit! [intense techo music] What do you want me to say about this movie? It sucks. It’s terrible. *eating at your insides* The Mummy is a film starring Tom “Scientology” Cruise, a blonde bimbo who pretends to be a strong female character, Russel Crowe XL, and What the hell, guys? It’s-It’s Joey Salads. “What’s up, guys? I’m Joey Salads- -and today, I’m gonna be doing a social experiment.” Joey Salads is in this movie. I, I’m… I’m glad this guy’s acting career is taking off. This guy’s come a long way from pissing in his own mouth to entertain people on the Internet. So, this movie is about… [mumbling:] Hold on, I gotta…I gotta look up what this movie’s about…
[keyboard clacking] Oh, here’s the plot synopsis. This isn’t right. So what makes this film so special, as opposed to any other garbage studio cash grab? Well, this film is actually part of a new series… that is going to be a garbage studio cash grab. This film is the first film in Universal’s “Dark Universe”. What is this? Well, it’s gonna take a bit of explaining. So a hundred years ago, Universal made some movie with a mummy in it, right? And they own the rights to The Mummy. So they kept making movies with The Mummy. They made sequels, they made prequels, they made remakes, they put ’em with Abbott and Costello, they put ’em with Brendan Fraser… Recently, Universal executives saw the success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and some moron went, “wat do we have dat’s lik supaheros?” And some other dipshit goes, “Well we got sum monstahs…” And then, some intern scuffled through a bunch of pictures of Universal monsters, like Frankenstein and Dracula or whatever… And then he gets The Mummy and goes “wat about da mummy?” And then a female executive goes, “Let’s make The Mummy a woman. Cause feminism is popular now.” And then the other idiot goes, “gud idea.” Then, he unzips his pants… and pulls out his The intern takes out his and starts jacking himself off…. and the other executive starts…. *NC-17 RATED NOISES* Macon… What… what is this? This is disgusting. (Macon) “That’s… that’s what happened at the meeting-” So, making the Dark Universe was kind of a risk. So they had to dumb it down as much as possible. Not only for American audiences, but also for another large film market… (both) “CHINA” So if the Dark Universe doesn’t succeed in America, at least it will succeed in China. But it didn’t, really. So now the whole thing is screwed. The Dark Universe is currently falling apart, and it’s only the first movie. So in all likelihood, The Mummy will be the first and last entry in this god-awful marketing gimmick. Although I’ve been saying that about the DC Cinematic Universe for years and that hasn’t happened yet… They’re getting close, though. The whole campaign to get the general audiences pumped for the Dark Universe has been a complete pumped for the Dark Universe has been a COMPLETE pumped for the Dark Universe has been a COMPLETE FAILURE. Most people don’t even understand the concept, and the few people who do think it’s stupid. And whoever was in charge of promoting this whole thing is dumber than a sack of bricks. The first thing we saw of the Dark Universe… is literally… this broken trailer for The Mummy. This trailer is missing audio tracks in it. It’s hilarious. *oof* Universal tried to take it down after releasing it, but, of course, removing something from the Internet is almost impossible. It might be easier to find a sugarcube on the fuckin’ Moon than it is to get rid of an Internet meme. *hah* *hah* *SCIENTOLOGIST SCREAMS* So now, they get… they get the least-talented people in the film industry. I’m of the opinion that you can make a movie about anything, as long as you make it interesting and as long as you get the right people. Tom Cruise is not the right people. Listen, I like Tom Cruise in most movies, right? I like him in the Mission: Impossible movies, I admire the fact that he’s willing to kill himself for the role. “Oh my God” “He’s fuckin’ nuts” “Oh my God” “Tom!” “What are you doing?!” “He’s fuckin, like, suicidal!” “Hey, you wanna watch Tom Cruise try and kill himself for an hour and a half?!” “Go see your fuckin movie” “WHAT” “He fuckin drove into another truck” He’s definitely a movie star, right? In this move, though, he STINKS. *confusion* What it- What was that? *tom cruise noises* You guys know the George Clooney impersonator from Eric Andre? Who gets, like, all the mannerisms down of George Clooney? And now I can’t even think about George Clooney anymore and I think of the George Clooney impersonator? “Hey pop, rap, hippity hop-hop “Hey pop, rap, hippity hop-hop, hip-hap, happity, ru “Hey pop, rap, hippity hop-hop, hip-hap, happity, ru, rappity ru ha.” So this is like, if Tom Cruise was doing a bad impression of himself. So, apparently, Cruise had excessive control over the film, and had his hand in almost every aspect of production? He helped rewrite the script, He helped rewrite the script, he was in the editing room, He helped rewrite the script, he was in the editing room, he was telling the director how to direct on-set, he was enlarging his role and, and like getting rid of the Mummy segments from the movie so it could be more about him? *esedipussoo* Oh my god, Tom Cruise speakin’ Egyptian. Reminds me of the scene where Brad Pitt speaks Italian. *herseschuwahsheebutshefudaedhaishdbff* *bonjourno* And he also wanted to do some crazy Mission: Impossible shit and in this movie, that’s the plane sequence where they’re like… they’re… they’re jumping around in a falling plane, I guess. I mean, this looks kinda cool. But this was Tom Cruise’s idea The director just wanted to use the set and some wires. Basically, Tom Cruise… was so paranoid about this movie being bad that he had his hand in every aspect and ending up making it worse. I mean, for a film called The Mummy, It’s more about Tom Cruise than the mummy in it. KURTZMAN: “The truth is that, in order to get an audience to love a character like that, you gotta be a movie star. It’s really that simple. *awkward laugh* Uhmm, because… *e* you know, Tom’s character over the course of this movie, pretty much makes every wrong choice. And yet, he’s really likeable.” Tom Cruise is good, if you get him in the right role. But this is not a good role for him. Same thing with Russell Crowe. Who’s great in some movies, and then awful in others. *less miserable* This is not the right movie, though. He sucks in this movie playing… He’s playing Dr. Jekyll. “Russell and I have known each other over 20 years. We talked about working together, and now we’re gonna do this very cool fight. I’m really excited about it.” *…gonna be fukin fun…* *rite* *is awesome* *CONVERSION* Sofia Boutella’s whatever. Like, she’s just there ’cause she’s hot, right? And then I read this interview with the director, who is Alex Kurtzman, which we’ll discuss later, and he goes on about, like… And it’s like, “Dude, you’re full of shit.” She was in Kingsman ’cause she was agile. It wasn’t her acting, okay? Like, you hired her ’cause she’s hot, alright? There’s nothing wrong with that, but what’s all this bullshit, like, “Oh, if you look into her EYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYESEYES Then, there’s this other bimbo and I gotta be honest… I dunno I dunno what the hell she’s doing in this movie. I dunno why she’s here, I dunno what she does, And then later on, it’s revealed that she’s only there to bring Tom Cruise to Dr. Jekyll? But, like, why was she there in the first place? “Sergeant Morton here thinks that I’d be too embarassed to tell you that I had him in my hotel room three nights ago in Baghdad.” Oh, so the character had sex with Tom Cruise and that’s why she’s here? I mean, well, that’s how the actress got this role, too, so. The writing in this is, like, total cringe. I’m not embarrassed, Nick. Disgusted, yes. Regretful? Oh, certainly. You mainly just amaze at your ability to mimic all the qualities of genuine human intimacy, if only for… fifteen seconds?” Wait, hold on a sec. Let me see how many writers are in this movie. Oh yeah. 6ix writing credits. *giggles and shits* Alex Kurtzman is, of course, one of them. K: “I think what you will see is the story of… um you know, a five-thousand year old uhm Egyptian princess, who um made a bargain with, essentially with the devil, and it was thwarted and she’s now come to modern day to complete that bargain and…” He wrote Star Trek 2, he wrote Transformers 2, wrote The Amazing Spider-Man 2. All these terrible movies. And this is his first time directing a feature film and it’s total ass. 1 3 4 5 6 Wow, ten shots of the same explosion. Really cool. You know all those shots are there as safety, you’re not supposed to use all of them. The bad writing and directing combine to create long, drawn-out sequences of exposition. “We’ve been searching for something called the Dagger of Set.” “A ceremonia- *ded* *alvin* Now we got Brian Tyler: The composer. Another Ralphthemoviemaker alum. This guy… is the worst the worst hack the worst hack composer the worst hack composer in Hollywood. You ever heard a forgettable track in a movie? Yeah, he probably wrote it. I don’t think there’s one good score in here. In his entire resume. Apparently, he recorded 107 minutes… of… of, like, composition for the soundtrack, which is longer than the movie. He-He’s just a mess. Then you have the sound designers, who sucked. *gpas* I mean, the ADR is terrible during this helicopter ride. *terrible adr* *terrible ADR* And, of course, the most obvious cliche in a bad sound designer’s catalogue iS the violin the violin. dunk dunk *trumpet blare, the second most obvious cliche in a bad sound designer’s catalogue* *dunk* *alien sounds* When is Hollywood going to stop using this violin? The VFX are’s…. are like pretty good, sometimes, but most of them aren’t. Like, this film’s over-reliance on CGI is what really kills it. What’s the point of having an epic globe-trotting adventure when everything looks like it was made in a computer? *SCIENTOLOGY* The cinematography’s okay. But there’s nos tyle to it, there’s no consistency. No one gave a shit about making this movie. This is a paycheck for all these people. Everyone was just thinking, “Eh, I’ll do a good job so I can take the footage and put it on my reel.” The behind-the-scenes of the movie is actually way more interesting than the movie itself. The movie itself is boring. It mostly consists of the same exposition over and over and over again. Movie starts and there’s exposition, then we get some exposition from the news, then Russell Crowe shows up and starts regurgitating exposition, then this dude tells Tom Cruise some exposition. Then, the blonde bimbo, Tom Cruise and Joey Salads go into the tomb, then they go on a plane and there’s more exposition then they go on a plane and there’s more exposition THERE, then Tom Cruise keeps yelling, “Stop”, “Stop” “You guy, stop” Yo, stop, stop “Hey Vail, stop.” “Stop.” “Vail. Vail!” That’s really most of Tom Cruise’s dialogue in the movie. If you take a shot every time he says, “Stop,” “Stop it!” “Stop it!”
“Stop.” “Stop it!”
“Stop.”
“Stop it, stop!” “Stop it!”
“Stop.”
“Stop it, stop!”
“Stop!” “Stop it!”
“Stop.”
“Stop it, stop!”
“Stop!”
“Stop.” “Stop it!”
“Stop.”
“Stop it, stop!”
“Stop!”
“Stop.”
“Vail, stop. Stop.” “Stop it!”
“Stop.”
“Stop it, stop!”
“Stop!”
“Stop.”
“Vail, stop. Stop.”
“Stop!” “Stop it!”
“Stop.”
“Stop it, stop!”
“Stop!”
“Stop.”
“Vail, stop. Stop.”
“Stop!”
“Stop it!” Or what? “What?” “What?”
“What the he-” “What?”
“What the he-”
“What are y-” “What?”
“What the he-”
“What are y-”
“What are you talking about?” “What?”
“What the he-”
“What are y-”
“What are you talking about?”
“What’s happening?” “What?”
“What the he-”
“What are y-”
“What are you talking about?”
“What’s happening?”
“What?” “What?”
“What the he-”
“What are y-”
“What are you talking about?”
“What’s happening?”
“What?”
“Wa…” “What?”
“What the he-”
“What are y-”
“What are you talking about?”
“What’s happening?”
“What?”
“Wa…”
“What?” “What?”
“What the he-”
“What are y-”
“What are you talking about?”
“What’s happening?”
“What?”
“Wa…”
“What?”
“Wuh…” “What?”
“What the he-”
“What are y-”
“What are you talking about?”
“What’s happening?”
“What?”
“Wa…”
“What?”
“Wuh…”
“What?” You’d probably die, 30 minutes in. “What’s happening?” Then Tom Cruise finally dies and is like, “Thank God I don’t have to listen to any more expos-” *exposition* a fuk “Now I gotta listen to some more.” Then, Tom Cruise is like, “I gotta get the hell out of here.” So he goes into the bathroom to hide from the exposition, right? Then, he looks in the mirror and Joey Salads is there waiting for him. “Today I’m gonna be doing a social experiment.” And he starts giving exposition. “You can’t escape.” Then, to escape him, Tom Cruise goes in some alleyway which looks like which looks like it’s from Hogwarts or something. It’s, like, the scariest-looking alleyway. Where is this? Then, a bunch of mummies capture Tom Cruise and bring him into some Scientology fever dream. *BECK* And just, like, visions of L. Ron Hubbard are talking to him. *BECK* So, you’re starting to get the formula now, right? It goes… exposition/action, exposition/action, exposition/action. And that’s… The whole movie… is that. And interwoven are some Scientology fever dreams and Tom Cruise yelling “What?” or “Stop.” So, Russell Crowe comes in and he’s all like, “I’m Nick Fury and we’re bringing the Avengers together.” “Who am I?” The more woven question, Mr. Morton, is who exactly are you?” And there’s, like, a half-hour of action that’s boring. And then, the movie’s over. And the credits are ten minutes long, no kidding. Ten minutes long. How can so many people go into making something that is so… not even bad, but just boring? There isn’t much to say, honestly. This movie only exists because Universal went, “We want to make lots of money like Marvel,” without understanding why people like Marvel movies. People like Marvel movies because they like those characters. They’re funny. They’re funny, they’re creative. I’ll say it: I’ll say it: They’re unique. I’ll say it: They’re unique, before everyone starting ripping them off. NO ONE ELSE… EVER, wanted to make a cinematic universe. No one else wanted to try because it would be way too complicated. No one else thought it would succeed. And Marvel did it, goddammit. And they did it well. Now all these other studios are comin’ out of the woodwork, dredging up whatevr- dredging up whatever fuckin’ properties they have. “Oh, we got Garbage Pail Kids?” “Let’s make it into a cinematic universe.” And this movie only exists to be a commerical and a vehicle to propel this whole series forward. BUT You can’t do that. You need to make a good movie, first, that makes people excited, right? And it’s not like people will see this movie because it’s good because, honestly, I think this movie would’ve bombed, no matter what. ‘Cause no one gives a shit about The Mummy, and no one cares about Tom Cruise and his crazy Scientology fever dreams. They didn’t even do that. They just made (a) a two-hour movie where people explain the plot to each other. Who would pay to see this in a theater? Who wants to pay money to go out to a theater and sit down and spend, like, a whole day just to see Tom Cruise on a big screen, explaining bullshit? So, here’s the aftermath: Despite grossing $409 million worldwide, it’s a box office bomb. They invested a lot more money into it than that. And, plus, for movies like this, they’re not looking for them to make $409 million. They want these movies to make a billion dollars. I mean, this is the start of a series, right? You gotta get people excited. You need lots of money for this kind of stuff. And the projected losses were, like, $95 million. The movie sucked, and everyone started jumping ship. Alex Kurtzman left, and then some guy, Chris Morgan, left, who was, like, another big producer behind the project. He produced the Fast and Furious movies, along with some other stuff. But, they saw that no one wanted to see a cinematic universe with Universal monsters, that took on the same template as Marvel. Because that’s the dumbest shit ever. There’s been no news on The Invisible Man, starring Johnny Depp, there’s no news on the Van Helsing reboot, and this Bride of Frankenstein movie, which they, apparently, were going to start shooting very soon, has been moved back. And the director Bill Condom(?) — no, Bill Condon — is continuing to work on the script, and the studio also removed it form their release schedule. So… I don’t think it’s happenin’. Something they are considering, though, is giving the rights of all these characters to some smaller horror directors or the Blumhouse Productions studio. And, honestly, that would probably suck, too, ’cause they would just turn them into two-hour long jumpscare nightmares. *daylight is worth saving time* And God knows I don’t want to watch that headache-inducing garbage But it has to be better than this. *oof* So if this shitshow of a “Dark Universe” is gonna keep goin’, I’ll keep talkin’ about ’em but I don’t think it is. I think this is where it dies. Right here. Think of all the amazing ralphthemoviemaker videos that could’ve been if dummies had gone to see this, but they didn’t. And I’m proud of you guys. You spoke with your wallets. You guys said, “You are giving us the bare minimum of entertainment and we’re not gonna see this crap.” And, now it’s done. Y’know, Hollywood’s turnin’. It’s gonna get better if we keep doing this. Or Disney will just buy every valuable property and take over Hollywood. And the only place you’re gonna be able to see, like, really interesting indie movies is on VOD. And the only reason you’d go to a movie theater is to see a superhero movie or a Star Wars movie. So, Hollywood is dying, that’s great news. They also made… OMG They made a video game, based on The Mummy. And it came out a few months after the movie was released. It’s called The Mummy: Demastered. So, you guys are getting a video game review on here, too. Can’t wait to see this piece of shit. *pece ‘o shit* Wow, that actually looks pretty cool. Damn, I kinda want to play this now. And that music… that’s a badass music. *badass* *the final wut* *More L Ron Hubbard Bullshit*

100 Comments

  • jon skinner

    August 26, 2019

    Hey dude, with short hair your mouth looks even more like that of a 40-year old butch lesbo.

    Reply
  • Sam Haas

    August 27, 2019

    That scene where he suddenly wakes up inside the body bag is just SO unintentionally hilarious. I seem to recall people in the theater giggling during that part in the trailer.

    Reply
  • Do what you must, I have already won

    September 1, 2019

    I'd also like to point out that the British pub they go to is clearly the most un British British pub I've ever seen.

    Reply
  • Andrew Cook

    September 2, 2019

    that alley way is the staff entrance to the Science Museum in London. I saw very bored looking prop guys carrying fake prop gas lights and cobbled roads. I went to film school and sometimes regret not properly pursuing it… then I remember the bored prop guy and the final result.. and working at the Science Museum gift shop didn't seem bad at all.

    Reply
  • Jeffery Thibodeaux

    September 3, 2019

    Was wondering why I never heard of this movie

    Reply
  • Sam M.

    September 5, 2019

    What the fuck Ralph

    Reply
  • Toi O'Kelly

    September 6, 2019

    This blonde bitch is a throw away actress who banged her way for the lead role.😒

    Reply
  • Mike Martino

    September 6, 2019

    Just found this channel'. New favorite.

    Reply
  • hokan

    September 6, 2019

    one of your subs is watching this video and his dad who works for garbage pale kids just spit out his coffee after hearing you say that, and is now racing to tell his boss about this great idea

    Reply
  • saibabax

    September 6, 2019

    hahah the executive room had me crying

    Reply
  • kyley madison

    September 7, 2019

    hey it’s joey salad from new girl

    Reply
  • Mapache Mode

    September 9, 2019

    Even if this Dark Universe stuff is dumb, they should have started with The Wolfman solely to gain the attraction of all the thousands of furries worldwide. 👌 And at least I first saw this movie for $1 from RedBox.

    Reply
  • Mapache Mode

    September 9, 2019

    Also, I really hate how Disney is just sticking their grubby fingers in everything. Disney, nobody gives a hell about you anymore apart from your theme parks, sweetie. And even then, your shit high prices are keeping the general public away from enjoying said parks. Give Fox back. Give Star Wars back. For god’s sake, give Marvel back and leave Spider-Man and Tom Holland out of your petty squabbles.

    Reply
  • knasigboll

    September 9, 2019

    I actually think having the dark universe slowly develop for 10 years culminating into an epic monster mash movie sounds fucking amazing

    Reply
  • B

    September 10, 2019

    I can’t believe they didn’t even get this right. Set is the god of chaos, not death. Osiris is the god of death

    Reply
  • Thegloriousbeard

    September 15, 2019

    I was ready to shit on that game but I love me some metrovania games😍😍😍😍😍😍

    Reply
  • Vox Populi

    September 16, 2019

    Where's our Ralph Sepe Cinematic Universe?

    Reply
  • JayUppercase

    September 17, 2019

    I want to see Ralph review some films he actually likes

    Reply
  • anik monette

    September 17, 2019

    Even the Chinese audience pouted the film? Oh boy it must have SUCKED!

    Edit: It's not as bad as I though it would be but the end product is… Uneven? Erratic? There's awesome moments in this film but they're all followed by silly scenes, dumb reactions from the characters(hey, colonel dumbass, how couldn't you tell that Salads was zombified until he stabbed you? He was RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!) Also the fight with Mr. Hyde was cheesy as hell: why they filmed it like a Marvel movie is beyond me…

    Sofia Boutella was amazing, though.

    Reply
  • Peter Schertz

    September 18, 2019

    How dare you speak ill of Star Trek into darkness

    Reply
  • Sab

    September 18, 2019

    How the fuck was this not age restricted

    Reply
  • griffin hillner

    September 19, 2019

    11:05–11:09 it literally sounds like a lego game character.

    Reply
  • RK 800

    September 19, 2019

    What’s the song at 19:26?

    Reply
  • ASAP Maki

    September 21, 2019

    It’s amazing how Universal just completely scrapped this Dark Universe shit and decided to hand over the next film, The Invisible Man, to Blumhouse and the director of Upgrade.

    Reply
  • Jimmy Padilla

    September 22, 2019

    Everytime I see this review it reminds me that I should watch Irreversible

    Reply
  • Alex Greenlee Films

    September 22, 2019

    Honestly, Brian Tyler is a good composer. His theme in this movie actually was pretty good compared to a lot of the more recent stuff he has scored. I feel the movie's mixing was horrible and never let us really hear the theme. Good themes are typically as good as the character or emotion you associate with that theme, and this movie never utilized it. Shame, but modern films of this caliber always favor sound design over music. There needs to be a balance. That's why we remember the themes of older movies. The creators actually let the music be a character and take over in moments.

    Reply
  • JacobS22 _

    September 23, 2019

    No one:
    Tom Cruise: السيانتولوجيا عصابة السيانتولوجيا

    Reply
  • War Butt

    September 24, 2019

    3:40 “the aristocrats”

    Reply
  • Richard S

    September 27, 2019

    I think it’s insane that Joey salads is running for Congress.

    Reply
  • FeedEgg

    September 27, 2019

    i think we need a cinematic universe cinematic universe……made of cinematic universes….with mostly cinematic universes……………..CINEMATIC MULTIVERSES!

    Reply
  • Moose Man

    September 28, 2019

    Smh Ralph, I don’t know why you think the Javier performance was bad. It was great

    Reply
  • Pwnguin 3

    September 30, 2019

    I always skip 0:44 I can’t stand his voice. He makes me wanna cough

    Reply
  • Gabe Fum

    October 2, 2019

    Tom Cruise could've spent this time working on Edge Of Tomorrow 2 instead of this shit

    Reply
  • Gavin Hitchens

    October 4, 2019

    There were hints that macon was a Disney drone from the beginning. How would he know what was going on in the meeting?

    Reply
  • The Berg

    October 6, 2019

    That video game can’t be real. That looks great

    Reply
  • TOMPMATHEWOFFICIAL

    October 8, 2019

    Seth is not the god of death

    Reply
  • Chaoshander Giantdad

    October 9, 2019

    Set is not the god of death. He's the god of chaos, deserts, envy, and other generally bad things. Anubis is the god of the dead and mummification, so IDK why they didn't just call it the dagger of Anubis.

    Reply
  • Ralik

    October 12, 2019

    ok google, search joey salads pee in mouth

    Reply
  • Saitama Productions

    October 13, 2019

    2:48 to 3:35 . . . well that escalated quickly

    Reply
  • Bublee

    October 14, 2019

    You think tom cruise is insane? Joey Salads pissed in his mouth and faked a racist prank and still thinks he should run for Congress of mayor or whatever dumb shit. If you agree with joey salads on most of his ideas you need to take a step back and reconsider your views from square one

    Reply
  • Gratuitous Lurking

    October 19, 2019

    'The game actually looks kinda good.'
    This is why WayForward is awesome, they can turn even licensed games into something potentially enjoyable.

    Reply
  • Mazra

    October 21, 2019

    The music around 13:30. Where do I know it from?

    Reply
  • Anything Agency

    October 22, 2019

    I liked the part where he broke his camera.

    that was a really good part

    Reply
  • Asmae Hajji

    October 22, 2019

    What’s the name of the theme that starts at 13:29

    Reply
  • Tyler's Goofs And Gaffs

    October 23, 2019

    Holy shit that trailer

    Reply
  • Video 2

    October 25, 2019

    Why did Lady #2 have to tell Tom Cruise that Set was the god of death if he spoke Egyptian? Like, elementary school kids know that Set is the god of death

    Reply
  • Moises Cortez

    October 30, 2019

    Good thing this died and lost all profits

    Reply
  • Cheese Yourself

    October 30, 2019

    No One:
    Tom Cruise: *screams in Scientology*

    Reply
  • angry Wehraboos noises

    November 1, 2019

    3:28 why did you draw this

    Reply
  • Joseph JoeStalin

    November 2, 2019

    I don't understand what makes this movie an objective failure from the point of the movie studio…

    Mummy had budget of 125 and grossed 409
    Iron Man had a budget of 140 and grossed 580

    Yea, Iron Man obviously made more money, but Mummy still profited 280 million in the end… I imagined a failure being little to no profit.. I guess I just don't understand

    Reply
  • Brandan Dengler

    November 4, 2019

    To quote star war this how the dark universe dies in complete silence. You thought i was going to say thunderous applause but no one clapped for this movie.

    Reply
  • Brandon Lawson

    November 5, 2019

    My mummy is an Iraqi Food Cart!

    Reply
  • RK 800

    November 5, 2019

    19:26?

    Reply
  • VSauce 4

    November 7, 2019

    Ralfthebarberneedy

    Reply
  • Shohrat Kamalov

    November 7, 2019

    Brian Tyler did a great soundtrack for Bubba Ho-Tep though

    Reply
  • Toi O'Kelly

    November 7, 2019

    The movie may have sucked, but at least the game is AWESOME. Mostly because: A, it's a Metroidvania game, and B Tom Cruise wasn't involved in anyway, shape, or form.😊😁

    Reply
  • Dimitri Warchief

    November 7, 2019

    I actually played the game. Its pretty good but so fucking hard -.-

    Reply
  • Dimitri Warchief

    November 7, 2019

    Fuck your meeting joke fuck its disgusting-.- God its gonna take awhile to forget

    Reply
  • L D

    November 8, 2019

    omigawd those drawings are everything!!!

    Reply
  • Aaron Kanala

    November 11, 2019

    0:20 Does anybody have the song? Sounds cool

    Reply
  • nightmarenever 78

    November 11, 2019

    “They’re giving the rights to Blumhouse”

    [sees there’s a new Invisible Man movie from them coming out]

    OH FUCK

    Reply
  • DanQZ

    November 12, 2019

    I like Brian Tyler's stuff when he actually tries. Unfortunately he pumps out so much music for hollywood that a ton of it is just generic whatever tracks

    Reply
  • Nonsense With Jessie

    November 13, 2019

    I honestly had no Idea the dark universe was a thing before I saw this video

    Reply
  • Nonsense With Jessie

    November 13, 2019

    My least favorite part of the movie is how much they get wrong about Egyptian mtyhology. I know there was no way that they could've make hardcore mythology nerds like me happy, but they could've at least tried. For example just in this video they say that Set is the egyption god of death, WHAT!? Set is the god of chaos and destruction, a way cooler villain if ask me. Anubis is the god of death and he was always potrayed as a benvolent god who helped guide souls to the underworld. It would've taken them three seconds to look that up on wikipedia, but no no that's too much effort for these hacks. Makes me sick.

    Reply
  • Doc Manhattan

    November 14, 2019

    3:18 I recognize that fucking song

    The visual image of a fire extinguisher haunts my soul

    Reply
  • Jareth Charles

    November 17, 2019

    0:33 Best Opening Ever!!!!

    Reply
  • Ali Sh

    November 21, 2019

    I like that sound choice from “irreversible” !!!

    Reply
  • Toi O'Kelly

    November 22, 2019

    Tom Cruise sounds like a middle school teacher when he says "STOP IT".🙄

    Reply
  • deathbymybox

    November 22, 2019

    The dark cinamatic universe has already happened.

    Adam Sandlers ideas

    Reply
  • MegaPollitoconpapas

    November 25, 2019

    i miraculously dont know joeysalads, but now i have to know why the fuck he was pissing in his mouth

    Reply
  • The Strawberry Pimp

    November 27, 2019

    Just watch the Hotel Transylvania trilogy… Done

    Reply
  • RK 800

    November 28, 2019

    19:26?

    Reply
  • Jordan Porter

    November 29, 2019

    Honestly i like the IDEA of a monster universe
    I really like the goofy idea of a universe of monsters and monster hunters
    But i feel like they should of started with a dracula and van helsing flick and, you know, make it good

    Reply
  • Kid L

    November 30, 2019

    Your a fucking legend bro.

    Reply
  • leo gaming

    December 2, 2019

    هوة دا الكلام المصرى

    Reply
  • BatGoblet

    December 2, 2019

    4:54 truer words have never been broken

    Reply
  • masterswordkeychain

    December 4, 2019

    They didn’t even get the Egyptian mythos right. Set is the Egyptian god of chaos, Anubis or Osiris was the god of death

    Reply
  • Error 52

    December 7, 2019

    Why does Ralph look like the Irate Gamer here

    Reply
  • sagginsky.

    December 8, 2019

    i CAN'T for the love of anything remember where the track at 13:27 is from, please someone help me, it's driving me crazy EDIT: nevermind its from Koyaanisqatsi, i remembered it as soon as I wrote the comment 😀

    Reply
  • shlirby

    December 9, 2019

    Why does Ralph look like he was sent to an old German prison

    Reply
  • Amy Bennett

    December 13, 2019

    The blonde bimbo, Tom Cruise and Joey Salads walk into a bar….

    Reply
  • TheJurnalyst

    December 14, 2019

    Pissing in his own mouth on video… White people. 😩😩😩

    Reply
  • Wiley Lynch

    December 20, 2019

    Lmfao wtf "that's what happened in the meeting" HAHAHAHAHAHA
    That trailer fucking wrecked me even more😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Reply
  • Davie Duckett

    December 21, 2019

    Looking forward to the GPK cinematic universe

    Reply
  • Jakub Pyrkosz

    December 22, 2019

    R.I.P camera we won't forget you 🙁

    Reply
  • Andrés Navas

    December 26, 2019

    My theory is those stunts are Tom Cruise's way of trying to get out of scientology.

    Reply
  • J. Sie

    December 29, 2019

    So what sorcery did you use to get live footage from the Universal board of directors meeting? Asking for a friend…

    Reply
  • wivuyao

    January 1, 2020

    Wow that trailer without a sound was great actually. I would have done that intentionally. And the idea for Dark Universe was great too if they would have done something freaky weird and creepy with it

    Reply
  • Alex

    January 2, 2020

    Tom cruise is saying "stop" so you stop watching this shitty movie. By saying "what" he is questioning why are you still watching it

    Reply
  • SkunkyAngry

    January 2, 2020

    Not gonna lie, I actually "Joey Salads The Mummy" to make sure that wasn't really him.

    Reply
  • Waffelmeister

    January 5, 2020

    Garbage pail kids cinematic universe… That's something I would watch

    Reply
  • Kevan Gibbs

    January 9, 2020

    Tom Cruise is good in a movie where the entire focus of the movie is on Tom Cruise. That's why he did so well in Mission Impossible because the plot is pretty much just Tom Cruise being a badass for an hour and a half.

    Reply
  • Josh Pettis

    January 13, 2020

    More like ralphthemummymaker

    Reply
  • Shree Nation

    January 14, 2020

    Joey Salads should've been The Mummy, that would've made it an instant hit.

    Reply
  • gandalfthegrey98

    January 18, 2020

    Why does Ralph look like Morty?

    Reply
  • DoomFistIsMe

    January 19, 2020

    2 years later and I have no clue why it had to turn to this 3:14

    Reply
  • Zarrakon

    January 20, 2020

    The anti feminism shit is kinda cringe

    Reply
  • alprazolam1mgs

    January 21, 2020

    Tom cruise sucked in this movie but he's the last of a dying breed. The "moviestar" as we know it is dying. Most directors don't even know how to make a movie star movie anymore. Quentin comes to mind but he's one of a very select few…

    Reply
  • Giovanni Jacobs

    January 22, 2020

    that entire blurb is one sentence

    Reply
  • MemeMayor

    January 23, 2020

    "Buongiorno"

    Reply

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